It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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