btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
