his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
