I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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