3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
