o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
