ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
