so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
