Your dad touched me again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
