Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
