I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
