I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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