HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
