It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
