i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
