Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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