If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
