Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its about making memories worth repressing
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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