Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
