I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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