I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
