Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
