i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
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