she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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