So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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