I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
