i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
