She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
