So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
