Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
