Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
