So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
