i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've blown a few things in my day
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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