I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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