Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
