so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
