I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
