drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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