We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
