An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
