i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize