The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
