The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
