My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
