She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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