omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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