respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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