And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
