Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
