girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
