I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
