I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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