.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Drunk is not a location!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
