My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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