the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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