I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
