dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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