I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You left your phone here
Wait...
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