I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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