question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
