I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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