I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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