nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
