You're a womanizer and a bitch.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
