either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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