how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize