Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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