take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
