apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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