I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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