I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
