She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
