i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
