Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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