tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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