Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
