i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
