If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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