so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
