this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I could fuck to npr.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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